Another Morning Call (2 Parts)
by existinnon
Summary: Morning calls are annoying. Akihito is tired of them. Tables need flipping. Crack slice-of-life one-shot written as a gift fic for someone (from AO3). Now in 2 parts.
1. Chapter 1

**Author**: Existinnon

**Pairing**: Asami/Akihito  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Spoilers**: none  
**Warnings**: Crack, PWP, slice-of-life, language, maybe OOC  
**Word Count**: 500

**Disclaimer**: VF characters belong to Yamane-sensei.

**Summary**: Morning calls are annoying. Akihito is tired of them. Tables need flipping. Crack slice-of-life one-shot written as a gift fic for a friend (from AO3).

* * *

A/N: I wrote this as thanks to Yamiga for writing such a cute one-shot as a result of our conversation. It really made me smile. Go read her fic "The Morning Call" This is the first time I'm writing a fic in present tense. *shifty eyes*

Warning: Profanities. Lots. And PWP (non-smut). Written off the top of my head.

* * *

The phone rings twice...or is it thrice, it doesn't matter. It's freaking 4 am in the morning. Who in their right mind calls at this hour? It's been like this for two straight mornings already. It's so damn annoying that Akihito can barely control his anger. He wants to flip out right now. In fact, fuck it, he's going to flip. He doesn't give two shits about punishment.

In one swift move, Akihito brings his hand down on Asami's ass in a karate chop. He makes damn sure it is hard and fast.

Asami jerks awake and his hand immediately reaches for a compartment near his pillow for a gun. He whips the weapon at his attacker, eyes fully alert, and finger ready to pull the trigger.

Akihito looks at him with a semi-shocked expression. Ok. He doesn't expects that.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing? Answer your damn phone."

"Just leave it."

"Then turn the stupid thing off!"

The phone stops ringing. Asami narrows his eyes on Akihito. If there is an appropriate soundtrack most fitting for such a moment, it'd be an old western cowboy duel one, except Akihito is the good, Asami the bad, and the phone the ugly.

Asami puts his gun back in the compartment and lies back down on the bed.

"Just go back to sleep, Akihito."

Akihito stares at him in disbelief. After debating over it in his head for a few more seconds, he decides it's too bothersome to deal with it right now. He wants his sleep too. But the moment his head hits the pillow, the phone rings again. _'Son of a...'_

With the brevity of a trained ninja, he kicks off the duvet, rolls off the bed, and makes his way to the phone on the nightstand by Asami's side. Before Asami could stop him, he grabs the phone.

"Hello? Who is this? Actually, don't bother answering. It's four goddamn am in the morning. Stop calling, you moron! Call again and I'll post your number on some dating website for overly eager lonely men. I dare you, jerkface!" Akihito hangs up and gasps for air.

Asami looks at him, semi-amused.

"What?"

"I didn't know you know about those websites. Are you lonely, Akihito?"

"What?! The fuck I am, bastard!" Akihito marches into the bathroom.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the line, Kirishima stares at his phone, disturbed and dumbfounded.

"Jerkface? Lonely men?"

Suoh turns to his friend, "What?"

Kirishima clears his throat and adjusts his glasses. "Nothing."

And the two men continue to stand next to the limo in front of the penthouse in awkward silence. Kirishima's morning call to alert his boss of their arrival results in failure. Again.

Suoh breaks the silence after 15 more minutes of waiting, "You should call Asami-sama again."

Kirishima quietly protests, "No, you do it."

Suoh eyes him suspiciously. "Ok..." The bodyguard searches for his phone.

Kirishima turns his head to hide his smirk.

tbc

* * *

A/N:

\- I blame me listening to GD's song Crayon while writing this XD.

\- None of my fics so far has this much profanities lmao. I cuss a lot when I'm pissed though.

\- Exactly 500 words. Lucky number today!

\- To everyone else: *runs away*


	2. Chapter 2

**Word Count**: 909

**Disclaimer**: VF characters belong to Yamane-sensei.

**Summary**: Morning calls are annoying. Aki flipped out at someone and now someone else is going to pay for it.

* * *

A/N: You guys asked for it. I couldn't resist. Here be part 2. But that's it though XD. Past tense this time. I also threw in another movie reference.

** Warning: Still no plot. Written off the top of my head again.

* * *

Oneshot: Another Morning Call Part 2 (Suoh's Dilemma)

Akihito sat on the toilet staring at Asami's ringing phone he accidentally took with him into the bathroom, flabbergasted by the nerve of the caller. He had just bashed the unknown caller just 15 minutes ago for interrupting his beauty sleep at 4 am in the morning. If he wasn't taking a crap at the moment, he'd bust out of the bathroom to throw the phone at Asami.

He connected the call, "Alright, you asked for it. Don't say I didn't warn you, asshole!"

Hanging up immediately and checked the caller's name. _'Suoh. Wtf?'_

* * *

Suoh jolted awake at the incessant noise of his cell phone. He quickly grabbed the object thinking it was a call from his boss and checked the time. _'4:22 am' _

"Hello?"

"Hey there sexy," a deep and raspy voice replied. _'Wtf?'_

"Who is this?" Suoh asked, still groggy from sleep. It must have been a wrong number.

"Oh my, are we going straight for first names now? You are an impatient one."

Now fully sitting up, he checked the number to make sure the person wasn't someone he knew. Nope.

"Listen, I think you got the wrong number."

"Oh baby, you do love to tease. I like that in a man."

Suoh held a tighter grip on his phone, feeling impatient. He disconnected the call and threw the phone back on the night stand. "Damn trolls," he muttered before lying back down.

And within seconds, the phone moved to life again, vibrating angrily in place. He ignored it, but that was a mistake because it didn't impede the caller's persistence. Not at all.

He grabbed the phone again. "Oi, cut it out. I already told you that you got the wrong number," he growled.

"Ah, you're my toughest opponent yet. This is a whole other high level of hard to get. I'm going to enjoy hearing you beg under leather restraints," the deep voice drawled.

But that was enough for Suoh as the levee of his self-control broke in response to the images of being tied up in some pervert's bondage cave.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for a sex toy, I can tell you I don't have such inclinations. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."

A long pause.

"You are Suoh Kazumi-kun right?"

Suoh stopped breathing. How did the fucker know his full name? He took a moment to compose himself before speaking again. "How did you know my name?" As he listened to the caller's response, his eyes widened in surprise and then shock.

He hung up immediately and made the short trek to the laptop on his desk. He turned it on, hastily typed in a website's name, and searched for his name. The first thing that popped up was a candid picture of him in sunglasses, suit, and tie standing in front of Club Sion. He scrolled to the descriptions. The caller wasn't lying.

Suoh Kazumi

03-7968-XXXX

Head of Security at Club Sion

Single

Looking for older men, preferably 30 and up.

Like surprise dirty talk at 4 am in the morning. Call me any time. *wink*

Like to play hard to get. I'm tsundere.

Not picky at all. Looking forward to it.

S&amp;M, bondage, rough play, Cosplay, toys, you name it and I'm up for it (literally).

The bodyguard sagged heavily in his chair, eyes still glued to the computer screen. For the first time in his life, he was at a loss for words.

* * *

* Later that day*

"Oi you little punk! I'm going to kill you!" Suoh yelled to Akihito who was standing at the other end of an aisle. He somehow managed to chase the photographer all the way to the supermarket. Punishment be damned. He wanted to choke the little brat for defaming his name.

Akihito stuck out his tongue in response to the threat and slipped into another aisle. Suoh followed in pursuit, but the little rascal was already gone. "God fucking dammit." He'd forgotten how difficult it was to catch Akihito. As he stood there in the middle of the aisle, a pair of mother and daughter pushed their cart past him.

"Mama, what's wrong with him?"

"Shhhh, don't pay attention to him. He' probably just lonely."

Suoh mentally groaned.

* * *

Akihito coolly strolled out of the store in a semi-victory march, humming to the song "U can't touch this" he'd heard on the radio that played mostly American music. But his little triumph was short lived as his own cell phone buzzed in his pants' pocket. He dug for the object and checked the caller's name. _'Shit'_

"What?"

"It's time you reign in on your fun and stop torturing my head of security, Akihito."

"What? It's not like you weren't in on the joke. Hell, I'm surprised he didn't recognize your voice."

Asami chuckled. "Get in the car. You lost the bet, brat."

And with that, Akihito sighed and trudged over to the parked limo across the street. He suddenly wondered if it was all worth it now that he had to spend at least a week in Asami's secret room, but then again, it wasn't like he wouldn't enjoy it.

THE END

* * *

A/N:

\- So did anyone pick up the movie, song, and anime meme references? XD

\- I won't write anymore for this. Going to stop torturing Suoh. Don't want to get shot by his fans either.

\- Writing crack is fun. lol. Thanks for leaving kudos! I had fun reading your reactions/comments. :D


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